One of the most conflicting and terrible feelings in a relationship is feeling disrespected by your partner. On one hand, you want to be loved and appreciated by your partner, and on the other it feels hurtful and sad to be disrespected by someone you love so much. Today’s post will deal with this most common problem of feeling disrespected that affects many people in relationships across the world. Stay with us till the end to learn how to deal with disrespect in your relationship and regain trust, love, and dignity!
Talking with your partner is the first step
Merely remaining silent and not doing anything about the situation will only make matters worse. Dealing with the problem alone will only invoke destruction in your relationship. You need to muster the courage and talk to your partner as this is the best medicine for you to deal with the pain.
Before you begin to talk
- Determine the words or actions that your partner said or did to you that were disrespected.
- Identify how the disrespect impacted you – did you feel inferior, betrayed, unimportant, etc?
- Ask your partner or spouse when it is a good time to talk. Say there is something important you would like to discuss. Remember you pay heed to your tone. If you convey anger towards your partner, it will invoke them to become defensive and the discussion will take an ugly turn.
When you talk
- Ask your partner to listen to you for a moment with the assurance that you do not have any intention to make them feel bad or hurt. You just want to let them know how you feel because of their behaviour.
- Be mindful of the statements you use to address the issue. Never use sentences like, You always, you never, you should, and the like. Instead speak about the specific action that caused you pain and the feelings you felt. “I” statements help like for instance, when you did _____________ I felt disrespected, unimportant, and hurt.
- Open your mind to understand your own feelings however, do not allow them to control you. You should never use your emotions to punish your partner as this will only ruin the relationship.
- Though you have been disrespected and hurt, be open to what your partner has to say. Now, this does not imply that they justify what has been done or said. Allow them to speak but remember your feelings or emotions should never be denied.
- In case the conversation gets heated up, head for a timeout but resume the discussion when things are under control and peaceful. Ideally, try to address the issue within 24 hours.
- Remember both of you are a team and the goal here is never to crush or belittle the other person. Keep this in mind and remind your spouse of the same too.
- Be calm when you are expressing your emotions, thoughts, and feelings to your partner. Take time if you feel emotions are taking control, ensure both of you are in no rush to finish the conversation and get back to general chores.
If you are feeling disrespected and if your spouse has hurt you deeply, the above steps will help. But it does not mean that he/she will instantly agree or understand. If the disrespect has extended to emotional or physical abuse, get help from a therapist so that you can walk out of the toxic relationship. If the disrespect is on a smaller scale, a conversation is enough to sort issues out but never deal with it alone or be silent- this attitude will only make matters worse!